New Years Resolutions

For this new year,
I resolve to not listen to
the fucked up news
in America.
It only grows uptight
bitterness and paranoia.
I resolve to not shave my
legs until the hostas
tell me its time to do so.
For this new year,
I resolve to not
take a shit at work
or in other public places,
if I can help it.
I resolve to not
hang any soiled panties
up on social media
because nobody cares
to view those nasty things.
For this new year,
I resolve to walk my dog
so he CAN crap in that
one "special" neighbor's yard
and I will not bring a
grocery bag to pick up
his bits.
I resolve what is good
for the goose, is also good
for that asshole.
I resolve to spread the love.
One dog pile at a time.
For this new year,
I resolve to stop making
resolutions.