Blind Date Belcher

Blind Date Belcher

                Not being a fan of the “blind date” scenario, I was apprehensive to go out with some random guy. But, I was new in town and I really needed to meet people and gather a few friends. I thought, “What the hell?” and decided an AC/DC concert sounded fun, so I cautiously agreed to have WhateverHisNameWas meet me at my brother’s house.

                I was aghast and beside myself when WhateverHisNameWas showed up in bleached out, ripped jeans, adorning a tattered Ratt T-shirt from 1983. It was 2001 and he was 44 years old. I took one look at his rusty-white jalopy pedophile van, and decided I would drive us.

                After a few beers, we settled into our tightly packed seats. My “date” was slamming down beers and kept leaning in to talk. The first time he slipped a belch up in my face, I politely excused it as a mishap. The next one just pissed me off. At that point, Mr. Blind Date was obviously feeling frisky, as his hands kept grabbing at me. The beers were giving him confidence, and I thought to myself: “Sex and a cocktail: they both lasted about as long, had the same effect, and amounted to the same thing”.

                I excused myself to the restroom and left that jerk sitting there while I drove home. My brother and I pushed his rusty Shaggin Wagon down the block, and hid my car in the garage. I never saw that dude again. I didn’t need friends that bad.


**Side-note- the line “Sex and a cocktail: they both lasted about as long, had the same effect, and amounted to the same thing” is originally from Lady Chatterley’s Lover, by D.H. Lawrence and not my original work. However, the rest of this short fiction story is my creation...slightly based on personal experience.