Oh. My . Gawd.
Don’t you know that those fries will kill you?
You should have this gluten-free,
free-range, farm-raised, kale-oat and nutberry muffin instead.
Oh. My GAWD!
Put down that glass of tap water and step away from the counter!!
Look at me; look deep into the depths of my politically correct and neatly groomed beard.
Ok, now breathe…one…two…three…exhale…how do you feel?
Are you feeling one with the Universe?
Here, maybe this non-genetically modified, hand milked from my goat out back, asparagus and brussel sprout smoothie will help wash that tasty muffin down.
What? What do you mean you want your fries back?
What?!?! You’re drinking that nasty tap water again?
I am so sorry, but my neatly groomed beard and I need to leave.
I can’t be a part of this atrocity.
Go ahead, destroy yourself!
My Birkenstocks and I are leaving right meow!
I can’t believe that I even tried to help you.
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Molly Roland is a writer by nature, and she enjoys stepping over the invisible lines society loves to draw.