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Tales from the Whack Shack, Vol. 2: Checks, or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Ward

9/2/2014

3 Comments

 
By Nicole Cater

Checks are a loony bin's way of stimulating the economy by creating a job. In essence, your friendly, local booby hatch has just helped six people realize their own little slice of the American dream. And here’s how it works:

Within the ward, there is some line that is only visible to sane people, e.g. nurses, doctors, techs, so on. It divides the ward into two parts, Ward A or Ward B. I never saw this line, but then again, I’m crazy, so why would I? Theoretically, there is a big board on each side of the line explaining who is who, what is what, and the meaning of life. But it’s all written in nurse-ese hieroglyphics, so the best you can hope to do is find your name and the nurse you are assigned to nag that day. Included in the board of dubious information are the shifts of techs.

Techs are people who spend eight hours of their day, one per each side of the invisible line, checking your whereabouts EVERY 15 MINUTES!!!!! This is their sole existence in life. If your door is shut, they open it. If you are in the bathroom, they are knocking on the door. They have notebooks so that they can check off that they have physically witnessed you. You don’t talk to the check techs; they are not there to help you; they will not help you; and if you should make direct contact, they will vaguely point to a nurse's station and wander off on their never-ending task.

And I do mean never ending. At night, when you are trying to sleep, despite all the noise and chaos, check techs are prairie dogging in your room all night. You’ll know a shift change has occurred because a new face is holding the all-powerful notebook. When they finish their rounds of counting you and make sure no one has escaped (a ground-floor facility with opening widows...some planner was not too bright), their whole process starts over again. I actually feel a bit sorry for these people. They must have some sort of "in" with the God of Comfortable Shoes, because as far as I could tell, sitting was a fireable offense for them. Believe it or not, the check techs actually become background white noise much sooner than you would imagine. Which is a bit scary.

3 Comments
Nicole Cater
9/2/2014 07:22:34 pm

I would like to insert a small addendum here. I have since learned that being a Check Tech requires a Bachelor's degree. Because lord knows, if you want to learn to count to twelve, you really need higher education.

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Darce
9/5/2014 08:54:20 am

Ha!! I love that comment. ;)

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password protect files link
1/5/2017 02:07:32 am

Step1
CLOSE THE FILES OR FOLDER, IF OPEN. To password protect folders in VISTA, you should first close them. This is particularly true if you are setting password protection to an executable file (.exe) or a folder that contains an executable file (also called a program). If you are unsure of an executable file's status, press control+alt+delete to view all programs running.
Step2
LOCATE THE FILES OR FOLDERS YOU WISH TO PASSWORD PROTECT. Do NOT click to open the file or folder. You can find files or folders by using the "COMPUTER" tool in your Vista Start Menu.
Step3
RIGHT CLICK ON THE FILE OR FOLDER'S ICON. To access the option to password protect folders in VISTA, right click on the file or folder icon. Select "Properties", at the bottom of the resulting pop-up menu.
Step4
CLICK THE 'SECURITY' TAB IN POP-UP WINDOW. In the pop-up Properties menu, click the 'SECURITY' tab on the top right of the pop-up window.
Step5
CHANGE FOLDER PERMISSIONS. In the Security menu, you will see two white text boxes. The top box shows various users and user groups on your computer. Highlight the user group you wish to deny access to the program and click the "edit" button between the two boxes. You should now be able to add or deny access to the program for the selected user by clicking options in the bottom white text box. Edit the options for each user or user group you wish to deny access to. Click apply after editing for each user. When finished, click "OK". Next, click "OK" on the Security window to approve changes. You have locked the program down and users must now access your Vista user account by password to access the program. Once logged into your Windows Vista user account, you will not have to supply the password to access the file or folder.
Step6
TEST ~ To make sure you actually did lock Internet Explorer, try to open the program. Log out of your user account and log in as the user you have locked out of file or folder. If you are unable to locate the file or folder as the prohibited user, you did password protect folder in Vista.

Hope it helps you.

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