Tales from the Whack Shack - Vol. 13 Buh Bye

By Nicole Cater

Alright, I admit, this has been the hardest volume to write. Everyone wants out. From the second the vapor lock doors whisper shut behind us, all we can think about it release date. It comes up in every conversation. No one wants to be here. And yet…there’s a strangely soothing quality. You don’t have to make decisions. It becomes routine. Wake up, breakfast, group, lunch, nap, group, dinner. And since I’m being honest, as I always am, a whole lot of those people make you feel so much better than yourself. But it’s safe, it’s cozy, why do we want to leave. We know we have lives out there to live, but those are all screwed up anyway, so who wants to go back to that hot mess.

The doctors come in before breakfast. And then the whispers start. Furtively, over foul oatmeal, you bet on who’s getting paroled today. Blondie went first. She was in for an eating disorder. She went through those doors like she was being shot out of cannon. Cellie #1 went second, although I think she just got released because she was a pain in the ass.

And then, while trying to make my French toast palatable, I get the call. The doc is springing me. It’s a good thing to be sprung. Who really likes spending a week with crazy people?  I mean, I’m only half-crazy, on my father’s side, I think. But then again, it’s safe in there. Okay, yes there are people wrestled to the ground and streakers and such, but the nurses care. They get we’re doing the best we can. And it’s scary to go out into a world that doesn’t understand that.

So will I be back?  Yes, already have. Because no matter how bad it stinks to be in a maximum security prison, it sure as hell beats starting up the car and forgetting to open the garage door. And I’ve promised way too many people I wouldn’t do that. And I keep my promises. So I chug along, good days and bad, knowing I can go back if I need to. And that’s the most comforting of all.