By Nicole Cater
I mean the race for gender equality. The funny thing is I always assumed this was a problem that was getting better, not worse. But the more I read, the more I see, the more absolutely pissed off I become. There are now “manly” restaurants. As if women somehow can’t appreciate a fabulous juicy burger or a perfectly aged steak. Meninism is actually a thing, where men have the audacity to claim they don’t have the same rights as women. But I think the one true thing that brought home to me just how bad gender relations have gotten is when I took a trip to my favorite coffee shop.
It was at night, after dark. The parking spots in front of the shop were full. Unfortunately, women are no longer allowed to walk alone at night. So I parked around the corner and down a block. Before I exited my car, I grabbed a six-inch cylinder. Would I really be able to mace a man if he dared to bother me? No, I didn’t think I could do that. Instead, tucked up my sleeve was a stylish pink collapsible police baton. This was my city. I may have felt the need to arm myself with a non-lethal weapon, but I was still going to live my life, lurking men in the shadows or not.
So I decided to study up on some of the most common Meninism complaints. To be honest, I was very confused. And before we delve into this sticky issue, it must be pointed out that no, every man is not like this. To believe so is stereotyping. However, it does seem as though these so called “Meninists” are fond of stereotyping themselves. But let’s break it on down, shall we?
“I want a woman to take me out on a date and wine and dine me and pay for everything.” Okay, that’s fair. But here’s the question. Did you ask her out? Yes? Then pony up. If she asked you out and you’re still paying, you don’t have a problem with women, you have a problem with A woman, specifically the one who decided to ask you out in the 21st Century and stick you with the tab.
“The movie Magic Mike promotes unreal expectations of how men should look.” Every minute of every day promotes unreal expectations of how women should look. There’s a reason plastic surgery is a multi-billion dollar industry and it’s not abdominal implants to give men six packs. Its breast augmentations, tummy tucks, liposuction to achieve that all important thigh gap, butt implants, collagen injections to plump the lips and cushion feet for high heels, Botox in the brows. Why do women pay so much to enhance their bodies? Certainly not for themselves, but because some (notice I did not say all) men have the bad habit of changing out their wives for a younger model. So who really has to deal with unreal body expectations?
“Why aren’t there more men in history?” I can only assume this person can’t read. I have no other explanation.
“What do you call a man under 6’? A friend.” “Where does a man whose 5’11” live? The friend zone.” No matter how many women say this, it never seems to sink in. Size doesn’t matter. Personality matters. If you have a wonderful personality that a woman connects with, she doesn’t care about your height. She doesn’t care about your weight. And surprise, surprise, most often, the size that matters most to men, really only matters to men. In general, when a man hears a woman has a great personality, he assumes she’s ugly. When a woman hears a man has a great personality, it’s exciting. The brain is the biggest sexual organ. Men, stimulate that and the rest will fall into place.
This gives me a lovely segue into another pet peeve, the friend zone. Because let’s call it what it is, an unrequited crush. Most likely that woman does not see you as a friend. She sees you as an annoying guy who keeps hitting on her and thinks he’s entitled to date her. Women are much more honest about this phenomenon, thanks to Sex and the City. We call it “he’s just not that into you.” So gents, news flash, every person in the world is allowed to have a certain “type” they are commonly attracted to. If you don’t fit that type, she’s just not that into you. Since time began, women have been conditioned by their mothers to be mindful of the fragile male ego. (It’s my opinion that if we stopped being so mindful of it, perhaps it wouldn’t be so fragile, but I digress.) Therefore, this woman is allowing you the chance to be her “friend.” But chances are good she doesn’t even really want that. It doesn’t matter how nice or wonderful you are, if she doesn’t like you, she doesn’t like you. Accept it and move on. It’s not a personal flaw on her part, so quit acting like she’s wronged you. Bow out gracefully and stalk less.
And then there are the unbelievable Meninists who loudly proclaim that “Men can get raped too.” This is a statement that can’t be argued with. However, it is misleading in the extreme. First of all, just because men can be raped does not diminish the horrendous effects of the crimes perpetrated on women. No one in their right mind will ever say “Jill was raped, but Joe was also raped and so that makes Jill’s rape not so bad.” At least one would hope that this never would happen but the world is full of horrible people and sadly we still can’t tattoo “Horrible Person” on their forehead so that the public at large is warned. And the glaring fact that omitted is that men are by and large statistically much more likely to be raped by other men. Nice try at giving females a black eye Meninists, but you just punched yourself in the face.
Men will never know what it is like to be a woman. From a young age you are taught to behave like a young lady. This means you don’t get to play rough and tumble, you shouldn’t get dirty, and you can’t play with boy’s action figures, even if they are cool. Instead you should practice in your fake kitchen and fake laundry, drudgery that you must get used to for you’ll be saddled with it for life. You should be smart in school, but not too smart, because everyone knows top grades go to boys. Athletics will make you dirty and smelly and are definitely not lady-like. When you mature, you must do everything you can to look absolutely stunning, but shun all attention from boys. Your entire self worth is tied to whether you are a virgin or not. And if you lose your virginity, you are damaged goods. From puberty on your feelings are constantly invalidated as merely an effect of hormones. You walk down the street and strangers feel entitled to make all sorts of comments at you. As you become an adult, you are most certainly not supposed to enjoy sex, but once you get married, you are supposed to have it frequently and if you don’t, your husband will leave you. If you don’t want to have kids, you are told you’ll change your mind. If you really don’t change your mind, people tell you how much you missed. If you try to establish a career first, people hassle you not to wait too long. And then once you do, everyone else knows how to raise your child but you. And any opportunities at work, no matter how hard fought for, should be met not with celebration that you succeeded, but with thanks that you were actually able to accomplish something. As a woman, your whole life is never good enough. And now we have to deal with men bitching about not having doors opened for them?
Feminism has gotten a bad rap. It had become associated with man haters. This simply isn’t true. Yes, you can bust out the Webster’s dictionary definition of Feminism. But here’s what it really boils down to. If men treated women they didn’t know like they treated men they didn’t know, we most likely wouldn’t have any of these problems. And the truth is all men should be ashamed of Meninists. Because unless they are wearing a shirt, which I hear has become very popular, women can’t tell who they are. These Meninists are disrespectful to women simply because we dare to exist. And since we can’t tell them apart, we are forced to treat all men as guilty until proven innocent. Are you a Meninist? I don’t know. So I will continue to walk around the corner with my police baton. Because until real men stand up and say that is someone’ daughter, sister, wife, mother and take back your good name, you will all suffer the Meninists shame.
This is our new Wicked Short Stories page with submissions from various Authors. Please look for bio-snippets about the Author at the bottom of the various pieces. Enjoy!