Moving on

By Nicole Cater

I’m done with the pain. 
I’m tired of proving to you what an asset I could be to you. 
I’d rather die a death of a thousand cuts then bare the constant rejection I receive from you every day.  And it is every day. 
You don’t want me, because we’re friends.  But that ship has sailed.  You are not my friend. 
Friends don’t insist on spending the night together to cuddle. 
Friends don’t tell people that when the time is right, you will marry them. 
Friends don’t make plans first thing in the morning so I can show up and find you in bed with another woman.
I may be lonely. 
But I’m better than you. 
I am true… to others… to myself… to my heart. 
When I say something, I mean it. 
You lie, and you hurt, you use, you manipulate.
I’m saddened and ashamed that it took me so long to figure out the truth.  But there it is. 
You are a horrible person who cares only for yourself and – perhaps - your flavor of the week. 
I am an honorable person.  I love deeply and don’t apologize for it. 
I would do anything for those I love.  I would do anything for those in need.
And though I loved you, yes, deeply, I will certainly leave you. 
The pain will be excruciating. 
But only in the beginning. 
And I am strong. I will make it through the worst part. 
I feel foolish for wanting you in the first place.  But I am only human.  And humans want company. 
I thought that could be you. 
I hate the idea of being alone.  But I hate the idea of being with you more. 

And I hope when you think of me, you will always remember not just the woman who got away, but the woman who ran away.